just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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