I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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