The maid of honor just puked.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
