actually, I'm a sock model
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
