You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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