i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
