Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
