did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
