people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?