We need to rekindle our bromance
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.