i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing