No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor