oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
