To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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