I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
