we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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