you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
