I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
