my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
