youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
