i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
