if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
