11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
