i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
