so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
