1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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