just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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