Life is so much better after having sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
