how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I deserve this hangover.
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