Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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