You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
