Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
