party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
