I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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