the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
