as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
