They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
