Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
