I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
