oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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