I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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