Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
