I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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