The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Someone shattered a urinal.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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