I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize