Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
