she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
