I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.