Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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(226): View more from Ontario

can you blame him?

(519): View more from Ontario

i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Dude you has no fucking this poptart

(719): View more from Colorado

What?

(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont know to explain this.

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(951): View more from California

I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

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(818): View more from California

Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.

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(519): View more from Ontario

We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.

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