Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
my shit smells like andre
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.