Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They took my balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
