fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him