He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted