nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
