i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.