my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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