i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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