never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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