my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
