If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they need to just BURY HIM!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
