I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
