I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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