I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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