I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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