At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
