i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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