he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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