when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
