So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
