My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
