my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
