i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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