I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
