I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
