Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
