Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
