He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
