he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize