I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
