What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
