I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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