i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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