What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
