A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
