i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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