I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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