Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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