I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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