you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
