You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
