OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
